I felt bad that people were always hugging koalas and koalas never get to get hugged by koalas, so I decided to dress up as a koala to hold a koala. It took about two weeks for the koala people to approve the koala costume because they were afraid that the costume would be too terrifying and would startle the koalas. I finally got approved, but then when I got there and said I was there to hold a koala they looked at me like I’d said I was there to murder tiny babies. Turns out it’s been illegal to hold a koala in the part of Australia for the last 40 years, and so instead they let me photobomb a koala. Not quite as romantic, but at least the koala wasn’t overly panicked when he saw me. He looks terrified, doesn’t he? Answer: No, he doesn’t. Because he’s fucking asleep. I could have licked him on the face and he would been fine. I think the lesson here is that you shouldn’t get your hopes up about holding koalas, but technically they’re a little stinky and some of them have chlamydia so maybe this is the way of the universe saving me from myself. Thanks, Universe.